Tonight I Remember

I am so very blessed. two INCREDIBLE best friends, one whom I've known all her life [I'm two months older]!! and now we are all high school graduates, one in college. All strong Christians, and completely in love with the Lord. How can I feel forsaken when I see all that He has done in and to and for we three?!
WE are so blessed, to have the Lord, to each have our amazing families, to have each other.
I love you Ariel and Eve!
-b.c He lives and reigns,
Today has been amazing. truly amazing. Tonight has been painful. Excruciatingly, terribly painful.
And yet God's Hand covers it all. His Love has never left. In fact, I feel it more now, when I am hurting, than I did when opening presents this morning.
God surrounds all. He fills every gap, revives every breath, gives meaning to every moment.

I love my friends- and tonight I had to deal with 2 heartbreaking matters:
my best friend, who means the world to me, and for whom I would do almost anything: her grandfather passed away, unexpectedly, this evening. A precious, warm, loving grandfather, and it hurt. But he loved the Lord with all of his heart, and I look forward to living all of eternity with him!

A friend who I have known for years, and loved as a brother: tonight we had to part ways, because we are two very different paths. And it kills because I don't know if I will ever see him in this world, or in the lifetime after, ever again. and this grieves me more than the grandfather's death. Papa's death is limited- a life is but a breath away from ending, and when it does, the gloriousness of eternity with Christ! my earthly friend and I's separation- it may be eternal, a never ending separation. Papa's death, though unnatural and awful, is better for him- he is with his Lord and Maker, his Savior and friend! my old friend, if he continues like he is, will never know the joy I bask in.

Oh that all mens' hearts will be touched, their eyes opened, and they may see and rejoice in God our Father!!! Oh how painful when they are blinded, and die blind.

I cannot write now . I am sorry for the sad ending, but how can I end better? Tonight, two of my friends' lives have gone in separate directions: one to Christ, to live eternally for Him. one for self, and eventually to live eternally in selfish hate and animosity towards Christ. Which path are you on? there is no neutral ground.


I have, quite recently, discovered the joy of handwriting letters. As my mother would say, its a sign of maturity! ;) Several friends [*cough Megan, Hannah, Robert, Courtney, Molly, Daniel cough*] have tried to convert me in the past, writing me letters, sometimes up to 10 or more, before coming to the sad realization that, alas, I was not writing in return. And it wasn't because I wasn't fascinated by mail coming to me [really? mail for me? in the box? as in, i can hold it in my hand and see their penmanship?!?! WOW!]. And it wasn't because I didn't love them and wish them that same joy as well. Instead, it was due, in large part, to laziness. And lack of stamps.
Sometimes, I would get a letter, and immediately run upstairs to write back. Often, I would get as far as the stairs. Then, something or another would catch my attention. Or, if it was really special, I would have even written the letter and stuck it into an envelope, with their name written prettily upon the front. [No address? its a shame.] I have run across probably 4 or 5 of these while cleaning out papers on my desks. No, I cannot put all the blame on missing addresses or empty stamp holders.
The real problem was this: I had nothing of importance to say. After all, there is only so far a conversation can go on the latest picture taken, or hike in the woods, before it must either die or go deeper. And I had nothin' in my noggin! Oh, I was reading: but wouldn't you rather read a Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys for yourself, than have someone recap it for you? And I was listening intently in church: but sermon notes only go so far if you aren't really learning from them.
Frankly, I was stuck.
But God is so good- My life took several major turns, during which time I did not write, not because I had nothing to say, but because I was learning how much better it is at times to listen. And now I am writing again. I am definitely still listening- that lesson I pray will not have to happen again, but will remain with me. But I can write again, and find joy in sharing with my loved ones what I daily am being taught by My Father. And now I see- what a blessing it is to write handwritten letters!
Therefore, I encourage you [oh people who happen upon this post]: write, and learn to write! but don't write emptily- write with a heart and passion for Christ. Copy what you read in Scripture; learn to write as David and Solomon, and the saints who have gone before us, and those who are still with us! to do so, to really learn to write, you must read. Read The Valley of Vision, prayers from fellow Christians who have already gone on, but left us a great legacy in writing. Read Augustine, Calvin, Knox, Luther, Fox's Book of Martyrs, read men and women, and of men and women, who, though fallible and sinners just like us, loved the Lord so much and devoted all of their time to passing down for future generations [for us! and our children!] what knowledge and wisdom they had gained! Don't be foolish in thinking, as we younger generation so often do, that we must learn "from experience" , and try and live on our own [limited] wisdom and knowledge and experiences. "Experience is a dear teacher", meaning hard, not beloved. Learn from the past to affect your present and change the future. grow upon it, not starting your own little building, but build upon the foundations already set down for you!
I encourage you: learn to love handwritten letters. :)


I was feeling rather overwhelmed. For someone who shoots in color, I think of the world in black and white. and some things don't work like that. That has always been a very difficult issue in my life, a battle I am constantly waging. However, today was a good lesson in humility, patience, and remembering it is never all about me, or even mostly about me.

“You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become
tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. "
“Let your light shine before men in such a way that they
may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven."

We are here to serve our God- not concentrate on what we think is best for us. Feeling overwhelmed?
Read [His Word]. Rethink [your actions]. Review [your life]. Rework [for Him].

I feel adVenturous.


I love all my senses. As a photographer, however, I especially love sight. I love the colors, and taking pictures of colors, or patterns & textures. I love seeing God's Creation- seeing a smiling face, or reading a book. This past week has been a reminder of what an amazing gift sight is- a few weeks ago, my eyes started acting up, hurting a little, and very bloodshot. I finally had time to visit the optometrist, who spoke the dread words: eye infection. For the past week, I haven't been able to wear my contacts, depending solely on some pretty scratched up glasses to get me through several photoshoots, and just life in general. I had a few accidents [ crashing into rail on rollerblades being just one], but basically have managed to make it through the week unscathed. Hooray! Tomorrow morning I go back, to hear whether or not I may wear my contacts again.
This week has been more than just a reminder to keep my eyes safe- it has given me new trust in the Lord. I always thought that if I lost my sight, or most of my sight, I couldn't survive. I couldn't handle being without contacts, or seeing with perfect vision. But a few times this week I was unable to wear my glasses, experiencing life in a blur. Though not the most fun [its rather embarrassing confusing a dog for a child], I now know that Phil. 4:13 applies to senses [and the lack thereof]: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
I know this is a very simple post: but really, how often have you contemplated what life would be like without one of your senses? Without sight? Or smell? Taste? The ability to feel? Without hearing a friend's voice? How would you deal with this? Turn towards trusting God more, or becoming angry and frustrated?
I am grateful, very very grateful, for being able to see. I am even more grateful for the God who gave me sight, and loves me- whether or not I can see 20/20.

I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus- Phil. 3:8
Live with joy in every circumstance! - Habakkuk 3:18-19

my favorite tea place- Teavana <3

probably my favorite picture of M.P. - adoration of a chicken!

My daddy and me- getting ready for my birthday date!

Happy Early Thanksgiving from the Turkey Mob

b.c He lives and reigns!


I had a delicious dessert tonight :) a concoction I think I shall name "chocolate banana overload", or "how to get 2000 calories in 1 sitting". ;) It consisted of:
1 banana
2 - 3 scoops of Edy's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream
6 -7 small bits of actual chocolate chip cookie dough
a goodish amount of chocolate syrup


nothing of importance

"Don't speak unless spoken to." "Unless you have something good to say, don't say anything at all." "Even a fool is thought wise until he opens his mouth."
I have not written on this blog of late because I have nothing of major importance to type about. I do not want to be thought a fool, and, contrary to some people's beliefs, do not like to fill space with empty chatter. I do not, however, want you to think I have forgotten you! So, instead of a normal blog filling you in on every detail of my sometimes-humdrum-but-usually-busy-with-everyday-life moments, I want to inform you of some INCREDIBLE blessings the Lord has sent my way these past few months. 
1- I have a macbook now!!! a beautiful, 13-in, precious macbook :D :D my old laptop's motherboard is shot (if you are interested in the body of the laptop, it works great, is a 17-in screen, and i am looking for a buyer) . So my parents gave me this huge blessing! (also known as "mercy's mac")
2- though my old laptop served me well, it shut down drastically. however, I was able to save not only ALL of my photos, but my music , documents, and some programs that i wanted to keep. :)
3- i have a pair of chacos!!! :D :D :D Chacos are an amazing brand of outdoor sandals that my other siblings have had pairs over the years. I have wanted my own pair for years now, and recently found some online that were on sale! So, mommy dearest gave me an early graduation present of these fantastic shoes :) (I think she was just REALLY ready for me to get rid of my 2 yrs old thunderdog flip flops that I cherished for so long. haha)
4- for several months now, God has been convicting my heart and soul, showing me , by letting me go, what a horrid sinner I am. I know that does not sound like a blessing, but I can't tell you how grateful I am that the Lord chose for me to see my sins while they were just inward thoughts and come crawling back to Him, crying and pleading. while this lasted for such a long time, and during these times of feeling so far away from Him, I am grateful that the sins never became reality, and that God woke me up from my lethargy before it was too late. I hadn't even realized I was spiritually lukewarm until He gave me several months of wake-up calls. You truly don't realize what a sinner you are until He shows you. And now, after so long being stuck in a hole impossible to get out of, He is blessing my life abundantly, and in so many areas! To draw a picture of it would be a child, after disobeying her father by playing in a mud puddle in a beautiful white dress, finally looks down at her favorite dress and sees its stains and cuts and tears, and comes running to her father sobbing because she knows she made the mess and it won't come out. Her father picks her up and after disciplining her for disobeying, cradles her in his arms as he gives her a white dress even more beautiful than that which she destroyed. I feel like that repentant child, now safe in her Father's Arms. This feeling is greater than any other in the world. Who needs a boyfriend? (lol) I have my Father!! 
5- one more course and I am done with highschool!!!!!!!!!!! MAJOR blessing
6- I am still alive, healthy, and have an incredible family, all blessed by my Lord :)
7- my camera still works!! and though i dont get to do as many pics as i want, its all good. 
8- my friends are incredible, and i cant imagine life without them :) God has blessed them which gives me great reason to rejoice!
9- i still have all my senses! I dont know if you've lately thought of this, but I can't stop praising the Lord that my eyesight, taste buds, hearing, feeling, and sense of smell all work :) 
10- even without all these blessings mentioned before, I am so incredibly blessed because my Heavenly Father is in control and He has already won the victory. And I am safe, no matter what happens (or doesn't happen), in His arms that will never drop me. 

what blessings are in your life right now?


a link

just a quick update: Im taking the SAT this Saturday morning, Lord willing. My current laptop is in the process of dying, so my parents have decided, after much talk and prayer, to buy me a macbook! Hopefully it will arrive in the next few days (Im shooting for tomorrow, but I doubt it.. :) ) Until then, I can not upload any of my latest pics or work on anything.. so please bear with me on that..
Lately I've been concentrating on trying to figure out what God has for me in this season of life. I'm a single girl living with her [amazing] parents in a beautiful home, finishing high school and trying to decide if college is an option, taking pictures like crazy but not sure how to get the most out of them, and is blessed with a wonderful church life. In the midst of all these blessings and busy times, its still quite easy to lose focus wondering if your knight in shining armor took a detour and got lost, or maybe is sitting in Atlanta traffic somewhere. Here is a great post my dear friend Jasmine Baucham wrote recently on Delusions of Grandeur . Enjoy, and blessings on your weekend!

Because He Lives and Reigns

Is style more important than substance?

If you were asked, "Is style more important than substance?" and then quoted "When people form opinions about someone or something, what affects them most is not substance but style. In other words, the way something appears or is presented is more important than what it actually is. This principle affects how people look at their leaders and their lives, the books they read, the products they buy, and even the subjects they take at school." .... how would you respond? here is my reply..

While the phrase "don't judge a book by its cover" is often quoted, most people in this era tend to live their lives on a more superficial level, others' makeup and clothes interesting them more than who a person is or what a cause really is about. This change through American history is evident by comparing and contrasting our nation's literature, politics, and how their time was spent.
In 1607 through 1776, the Pilgrims and Puritans read the Geneva Bible, a book they believed was the Word of the Almighty God, where they could find instructions for life, liberty, and the true pursuit of happiness. They played out each day in accordance to what they found in the Word; they made the Word of God the center of their universe. In 1776, one of the two most commonly read books was "Lex Rex", or "Law is King", by Samuel Rutherford, a Scottish pastor and author. This book preached on how no earthly ruler is over the laws of the land, preaching against the wiles of the monarchy that believed they were above all rule and law. These books were required deep understanding. Compare those writings to the "Best-sellers" of today, where it is all about the image, and how to portray yourself in a better light, or how to help yourself feel better about your image.
The politics of our nation's early presidential elections were differently portrayed also. Our first presidents won their job through the speeches they made, which were then printed out in newspapers and bulletins for weeks at a time, so the people of this country could take their words and study them, find the true meaning of the politicans, and compare the words to the previous lives of the campaigners to see if their promises could hold true. Today's electoral campaigns are run on looks, on which tie represents power and which tie signifies weakness; who would look better on a postage stamp. The speeches of the politicans contrast greatly with their previous statements in former years, and the promises they make are monumental and unconstitutional.
The time of our forefathers was spent revolving around their God, knowing that what is in the heart is more important than what the style of the day was. They also knew, however, that to get their point across, they must dress classically and with taste. Today's generation spends their time on movies, watching images, where what the stars wear matters greatly. This nation is a consumer nation, spending millions of dollars on items that will only last a year, while producing next to nothing.
Our culture is now in an economic crisis, while the nation of 1781, even after going through a revolutionary war, was beginning to truly prosper. From changing our focus from substance to style, we have suffered. So, while style may matter to impress a first glance, the substance of an issue will present prosperity.

be realistic. pray for a miracle.

thanks Johnny. I love my brother. Sitting here with him, discussing my future. He says I have too much on my plate, to narrow it down to 3 or 4 per 3 or 4 weeks. So here goes something.

March 09 (or rather, this last week):
- Finish God and Govt series
- Buy SAT prep online course

April 09:
- Chemistry
- SAT prep online course
- sign up for GED

May 09:
- college Applications
*book list

sound any more reasonable?

so far, I have completed:
- Signing up for the SAT
- buying the notebook, working on college lists
- with 2 lessons left, SAT prep VOCAB

and with reality..the oddest urge to laugh and cry.

I am doomed. here is the schedule if I want to make all the requirements in time.

March 09-
must complete following items:
- series God and Govt, by Gary DeMar
- With Liberty and Justice for All, by Joseph C. Morecraft, III
- SAT prep VOCAB
- buy College Board SAT online course prep
- send in applications to at least 2 scholarships
- buy notebook, begin making college lists
-sign up to take SAT (ACT as well?)

April 09-
must complete the following:
- SAT online course prep
- Chemistry
- Paradise Lost, by John Milton
- paper on at least one book from Greenville Seminary.
- Portfolio of best pictures
- send in applications to at least 5 more scholarships or financial aid
- sign up to take GED

May 09-
must complete the following:
- British Lit.
- papers on at least 3 more Greenville Seminary books
- American Govt book (extra)
- Portfolio
- running book list
- college applications
- resume
- a million other things

is it just me, or do I need to become supergirl combined with Betty Crocker with the style of a vintage 50's photographer? however, throughout this all , I praise God for His strength getting me through each day; a family that supports and understands; amazing friends who provide moral support, biblical support, stress relief known as laughter, and cookie dough ice cream. and my music and photography. I am immensely blessed and don't want to let anyone down. I don't want to let my God down, for He has blessed me with great talents and surroundings, and with such comes great responsibilities. Haven't felt so stressed out in a peaceful way in a while. this aught to be interesting. . . . . . I'd be tempted to laugh if it wasn't my life! :)

By His amazing grace that moves each moment.
me. <><

incomplete sentences completed

[*note: i put this up on my facebook, and thought id share it here as well.*]

He completes them.
Indescribable thoughts?
He creates the words,
then speaks it to the heart.
Sighs, tears, a blank stare--
He understands that language.

Nighttime has become my favorite time of every single day. At night I come in tears, beginning prayers that somehow end with me repeating a single event in my mind, again and again and again, the act of prayer forgotten as I concentrate on erasing the memory. Wrapped in a tight ball, I lie still, willing sleep to overcome my exhausted self. On other nights, the smile refuses to leave my face, I stare at the ceiling breathless, as I praise God for His infinite mercies and blessings. Then, as I recount and thank Him for each part of the day, instead of continuing my adoration, I become hung up on a particularly precious thought or person or look or event. In both situations, I fall asleep content to know God both heard and holds me in His Arms. He smiles when I find something in His creation and smile-- He comforts me with healing tears when my wall gets broken down.

No matter the weight of crushing pain or even that horrible numbness that comes with hurting, how comforting it is to know that my Heavenly Father NEVER gives me more than I can handle!

How is that possible,
when love disappears?
that love you thought
would last throughout the years.
When a loved one dies,
or irreversibly changed,
can that hole be filled,
or water douse the burning pain?
Tell me, in the instance
of material wealth destroyed
because of economic pitfalls
or some governmental ploy-
I cannot handle losing these things,
this love, or the trust,
that picture or ring.

"The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord" Job 1:21
I know these thoughts have taken possession of my mind before. Satan opens an opportunity, and I think, "I'll never love again," "God expects me trust after all this??!", "I didn't realize how much it meant to me until it was gone/broken/damaged beyond repair. What am I going to do NOW?". Its easy to become depressed with a mind full of these thoughts. And once you are on a roll, think of how many OTHER things you become distracted with: the economy, politics, political leaders, the Church's own depravity, how you cant seem but fall into sin every time you take a step. The list continues. How is it possible to have a victory-oriented mind with such happenings going on all around you? "For we walk by faith, not by sight"-- II Corinthians 5:7. Guess what!! The best news you are ever going to hear I am about to tell you-- God doesn't expect you, His chosen ones, to walk alone!!!!!!!! To hold up these daily struggles and trials and temptations for depression alone!! Never!! Ever!! We are NEVER alone!!! *cue "Hallelujah choir" now* Our Heavenly Father, The Almighty One, the King of Kings (AND President over ALL presidents btw) .. He is right beside us.. and when the going gets tough, He carries us. What an amazing blessing. Just think about that for a moment. Job, in the Bible- I just DARE you to tell me your life is worse than his was. Not only did he lose his beloved children and their spouses in one day, along with all his wealth and possessions and his own health, but to me the worst part was: his own wife turned against him! She hurt so badly to see him go through all this, that she gave up on God, and told Job to curse God so that he would die and the pain would go away. and then his friends come and instead of cheering him up, they try to pull some secret out of his life because everyone knows that if you've been cursed THIS much ,there "ain't" no way you could have just been honoring God like everyone thinks. you MUST have been doing something in secret. and yet, though Job began to become depressed, he never cursed God. when he began to complain, God came and reminded him who was who. (God must have been listening then! ) And then, when God finished testing him, He blessed him DOUBLE of what he had lost! Now theres a story to rid one of any possible self-possessed depression.

I love the "Footprints in the Sand" poem. [If you dont know what im talking it. Its worth reading. twice. :) ] My favorite line is " when I carried you" . When I am the most vulnerable, God is holding me. Nothing will touch me. When I was younger (as in, 8 through 14 or 15) I would sometimes have those awake-nightmares. Do you know what Im talking about? those dreams where you aren't really asleep, you are just so close to it. Well, the things that frequented my "dream-mares" the most were: terrorists coming through my window (it was ranch-style house), mountain lions or leopards hiding in my room, etc. (yes i was a strange child.. ANYways.....) Those "dream-mares" finally stopped coming when I read that poem and realized God wasn't only there when we were praying, nor was He just watching over my day-- God was walking my day with me! Step by step, heart beat by heart beat. Now no matter what the day has been like, good or bad (or ugly), I come home and lying on my bed as I fall asleep, I know that the great I Am .. is holding me , rocking me to sleep with His love.

have you fallen asleep in God's Arms lately?

"Oh and dreamers
keep on dreaming
and an artist is just
a dreamers dream fulfilled
Oh Lord give me
the courage to keep on dreaming
and the strength to be
an artist of Your work"

Face Up

At the age of three
curiosity defined me.
Hither and thither
and yon--
I danced and tripped
chattering cheerily
to a merry tune in my head.

By the time I was four,
I had revealed nothing more.
Each new progress
the same as before.
Singing content,
I followed each pathway
and explored hidden closets,
searching for
my own Narnia adventure.

2 months before five,
I began to thrive
in a new land
called kindergarten.
Sacred memories
of stacking toys,
nap times and candy treats,
of patterns hidden
just for me to see.

Ages six, seven, and eight,
these times hold their own weight.
Imagination soared
as I learned the words
to express the things I already knew.
South Africa twice we went,
and climbed rocks to touch the sky.
"laatlammetjie" became my name,
fitting for the youngest by far.
" sprinkaan", or grasshopper,
another name, exuberant joy
unable to hold still.

At age nine,
I learned sadness
for the first time.
Knox, my beloved pet, died,
and I felt alone.
Friends understood,
grieved for me,
a brief aching cloud
followed for many years,
but God stayed close,
wiping my tears.

Age ten,
I began again.
Imagination filled,
my Narnia was found
in every closet,
daydreaming all around.

By eleven,
I had grown
but was still short.
Clumsy, quick,
had a fast retort.

Ages twelve and thirteen,
created a new change in me.
We moved again,
just a short trip away.
New trees and secret hideouts.
new ideas were made.

Age fourteen I was convinced
I had met my future prince.
Ages fifteen and sixteen
followed the trials
of a silly girl playing,
while time covered miles.

Age seventeen as it seemed
I was started awake from
a childish dream,
of past creations
of what prince charming should be
formed in the mind
of a little girl.
Not without hope
I erased those thoughts
and began again
with Gods Word at heart.

Now just eighteen,
I've given up drawings
of tall, dark, and handsome
riding up on a white horse,
the armor clashing.
T'would be rather loud,
I admit with a grin,
for that armor would echo
in this valley I call home.
I surrender my future
for God to take care of,
His entrances always better
mine times 100 by ten.
My mind does not need
such space taken up
with clashing suits
and guesses of whom
my Father has planned
before my time began.
For my goal now has changed
into becoming a
Proverbs 31 woman.
And when I do,
I will wait for a
Proverbs 31 man.

..and a Happy New Year

"For I Know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Welcome to the new year 2009! May it be blessed in your life, as you live to glorify and honor our Savior and King!

love, Mercy M