[*note: i put this up on my facebook, and thought id share it here as well.*]
He completes them.
Indescribable thoughts?
He creates the words,
then speaks it to the heart.
Sighs, tears, a blank stare--
He understands that language.
Nighttime has become my favorite time of every single day. At night I come in tears, beginning prayers that somehow end with me repeating a single event in my mind, again and again and again, the act of prayer forgotten as I concentrate on erasing the memory. Wrapped in a tight ball, I lie still, willing sleep to overcome my exhausted self. On other nights, the smile refuses to leave my face, I stare at the ceiling breathless, as I praise God for His infinite mercies and blessings. Then, as I recount and thank Him for each part of the day, instead of continuing my adoration, I become hung up on a particularly precious thought or person or look or event. In both situations, I fall asleep content to know God both heard and holds me in His Arms. He smiles when I find something in His creation and smile-- He comforts me with healing tears when my wall gets broken down.
No matter the weight of crushing pain or even that horrible numbness that comes with hurting, how comforting it is to know that my Heavenly Father NEVER gives me more than I can handle!
How is that possible,
when love disappears?
that love you thought
would last throughout the years.
When a loved one dies,
or irreversibly changed,
can that hole be filled,
or water douse the burning pain?
Tell me, in the instance
of material wealth destroyed
because of economic pitfalls
or some governmental ploy-
I cannot handle losing these things,
this love, or the trust,
that picture or ring.
"The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord" Job 1:21
I know these thoughts have taken possession of my mind before. Satan opens an opportunity, and I think, "I'll never love again," "God expects me trust after all this??!", "I didn't realize how much it meant to me until it was gone/broken/damaged beyond repair. What am I going to do NOW?". Its easy to become depressed with a mind full of these thoughts. And once you are on a roll, think of how many OTHER things you become distracted with: the economy, politics, political leaders, the Church's own depravity, how you cant seem but fall into sin every time you take a step. The list continues. How is it possible to have a victory-oriented mind with such happenings going on all around you? "For we walk by faith, not by sight"-- II Corinthians 5:7. Guess what!! The best news you are ever going to hear I am about to tell you-- God doesn't expect you, His chosen ones, to walk alone!!!!!!!! To hold up these daily struggles and trials and temptations for depression alone!! Never!! Ever!! We are NEVER alone!!! *cue "Hallelujah choir" now* Our Heavenly Father, The Almighty One, the King of Kings (AND President over ALL presidents btw) .. He is right beside us.. and when the going gets tough, He carries us. What an amazing blessing. Just think about that for a moment. Job, in the Bible- I just DARE you to tell me your life is worse than his was. Not only did he lose his beloved children and their spouses in one day, along with all his wealth and possessions and his own health, but to me the worst part was: his own wife turned against him! She hurt so badly to see him go through all this, that she gave up on God, and told Job to curse God so that he would die and the pain would go away. and then his friends come and instead of cheering him up, they try to pull some secret out of his life because everyone knows that if you've been cursed THIS much ,there "ain't" no way you could have just been honoring God like everyone thinks. you MUST have been doing something in secret. and yet, though Job began to become depressed, he never cursed God. when he began to complain, God came and reminded him who was who. (God must have been listening then! ) And then, when God finished testing him, He blessed him DOUBLE of what he had lost! Now theres a story to rid one of any possible self-possessed depression.
I love the "Footprints in the Sand" poem. [If you dont know what im talking about..google it. Its worth reading. twice. :) ] My favorite line is "..is when I carried you" . When I am the most vulnerable, God is holding me. Nothing will touch me. When I was younger (as in, 8 through 14 or 15) I would sometimes have those awake-nightmares. Do you know what Im talking about? those dreams where you aren't really asleep, you are just so close to it. Well, the things that frequented my "dream-mares" the most were: terrorists coming through my window (it was ranch-style house), mountain lions or leopards hiding in my room, etc. (yes i was a strange child.. ANYways.....) Those "dream-mares" finally stopped coming when I read that poem and realized God wasn't only there when we were praying, nor was He just watching over my day-- God was walking my day with me! Step by step, heart beat by heart beat. Now no matter what the day has been like, good or bad (or ugly), I come home and lying on my bed as I fall asleep, I know that the great I Am .. is holding me , rocking me to sleep with His love.
have you fallen asleep in God's Arms lately?
"Oh and dreamers
keep on dreaming
and an artist is just
a dreamers dream fulfilled
Oh Lord give me
the courage to keep on dreaming
and the strength to be
an artist of Your work"
Face Up
At the age of three
curiosity defined me.
Hither and thither
and yon--
I danced and tripped
chattering cheerily
to a merry tune in my head.
By the time I was four,
I had revealed nothing more.
Each new progress
the same as before.
Singing content,
I followed each pathway
and explored hidden closets,
searching for
my own Narnia adventure.
2 months before five,
I began to thrive
in a new land
called kindergarten.
Sacred memories
of stacking toys,
nap times and candy treats,
of patterns hidden
just for me to see.
Ages six, seven, and eight,
these times hold their own weight.
Imagination soared
as I learned the words
to express the things I already knew.
South Africa twice we went,
and climbed rocks to touch the sky.
"laatlammetjie" became my name,
fitting for the youngest by far.
" sprinkaan", or grasshopper,
another name, exuberant joy
unable to hold still.
At age nine,
I learned sadness
for the first time.
Knox, my beloved pet, died,
and I felt alone.
Friends understood,
grieved for me,
a brief aching cloud
followed for many years,
but God stayed close,
wiping my tears.
Age ten,
I began again.
Imagination filled,
my Narnia was found
in every closet,
space,
daydreaming all around.
By eleven,
I had grown
but was still short.
Clumsy, quick,
had a fast retort.
Ages twelve and thirteen,
created a new change in me.
We moved again,
just a short trip away.
New trees and secret hideouts.
new ideas were made.
Age fourteen I was convinced
I had met my future prince.
Ages fifteen and sixteen
followed the trials
of a silly girl playing,
while time covered miles.
Age seventeen as it seemed
I was started awake from
a childish dream,
of past creations
of what prince charming should be
formed in the mind
of a little girl.
Not without hope
I erased those thoughts
and began again
with Gods Word at heart.
Now just eighteen,
I've given up drawings
of tall, dark, and handsome
riding up on a white horse,
the armor clashing.
T'would be rather loud,
I admit with a grin,
for that armor would echo
in this valley I call home.
I surrender my future
for God to take care of,
His entrances always better
mine times 100 by ten.
My mind does not need
such space taken up
with clashing suits
and guesses of whom
my Father has planned
before my time began.
For my goal now has changed
into becoming a
Proverbs 31 woman.
And when I do,
I will wait for a
Proverbs 31 man.
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